It has been a very trying month for me (and my husband), he had a Sinus surgery about 3 and half weeks ago. Post surgery, he was the meanest person I have ever loved. Due to the pain and discomfort from the surgery at such a delicate part of the body, he would often be in tantrum mode. It wouldn't be nice to describe how mean he was, nor is it fair to judge him, given that he was going through a period of pain-racked convalescence.
In the 3 years of knowing my husband, I have never once seen him cry. When my PIL and I visited him at the hospital, he was just sitting on the bed, with the bandage across his nostrils and he was tearing as he stares into space.
Our hearts broke.
He was given 3 weeks of hospitalization leave and was not able to go to work. I tried my very best to take care of him and attend to all his needs as patiently and as empathizing as I could. Sometimes he would get rather unreasonable and nonsensical (as he puts it in his own words), but I just had to ignore the hurt and anger I feel from those episodes and pretend like it was alright. I know deep down he really didn't mean it and he just couldn't control his anger while going through all that pain and misery. There are times where he would apologize helplessly and I would feel heartbroken to see him that way.
He recovered well on the 3rd week and things got better, we started looking forward to him going back to work as we know we both needed a little breather by ourselves and get over what happened the past 3 weeks. He was also looking forward to go back to work as he was supposed to go to New York and it would have been a good break for him.
However someone up there decided to play a joke on us. On the day when he was supposed to depart for New York, he started having fever in the morning. It did not subside through out the day and when he finally went to the clinic, we were shocked to find out that he was having a high fever of 42 degrees Celsius! He was immediately put on drip, given 3 injections to bring the fever down and we had to stay for observations until his fever dropped. Needless to say, he was not able to go back to work that day and had to cancel his New York trip.
The next day we started noticing rashes on his hands and legs and thought that he was having an allergic reaction to the antibiotics that was prescribed to him so we rushed back to the clinic to get things check out. The doctor made a change in the antibiotics and told us that he (the doctor) also has allergy to the same antibiotics and it could get worse than just rashes.
That evening my husband's fever went up again and I feared that it was high fever again (our home thermometer was a little wonky) as he felt as hot as he was the previous night. So I rushed him back to the clinic again. This time the doctor on duty suspected (from the red spots on my husband's limbs and ulcer in his throat) that he was having Hand Foot Mouth Disease (HFMD) and sent him to ANE at Changi Hospital for a proper diagnosis.
The "rash" initial stage.
Our worst fears came true. My husband has got HFMD and was told to be quarantined at home for the next 9 days. My nightmare came back all over again as my husband's mouth and throat started getting infested with painful ulcers, his hands and feet swell with many red blisters and his terrible mood came back again. I mean who can blame him? He just recovered from an agonizing 3 weeks of post-surgery discomfort and he's down all over again!
The red sores multiplying and swelling the day after the diagnosis.
He can't swallow his own saliva without cursing in his sleep and he had problem eating even though he was very hungry and I cooked soft and tasty food for him. He can't walk around much as his feet are covered with painful sores and the skin is all flaky. He can't move his fingers as they felt tight and swollen, and he described them as "riped". He started getting angry with everything, as though someone played a big joke on him and having fun. It does seem that way.
His hands and feet are painfully swollen and flaky.
The worst is the ulcers in his throat, it makes him get so helplessly frustrated. We have tried everything from gurgling with salt warm water to using watermelon powder spray (TCM) to drinking honey. Nothing seems to alleviate the pain for long.
With my husband down with HFMD, we told our parents not to visit during this period of time as we are afraid that they might get infected. I am fully in-charged of buying groceries, cook every meal while making sure that my husband gets to eat nutritious but soft and appetizing food, do housework around the house, do my own work stuff, attend to my husband's every need as he isn't able to move around much...I even volunteered to clean him up after he took a dump seeing that his fingers can hardly move . And above all, stay strong, patient and abiding for him.
This whole month has been super trying for me as a wife. I prayed for strength and I prayed for help and when I have nothing else to pray for I cry by myself. I wish I could go to my husband for a comforting and empathetic hug but he needs it more than I do and so I need to be strong for him.
This then brings me to why I titled this entry "What the F is good wife material?!" as I saw this on Facebook the other day. (Of cos I wasn't crying cos of this FB post!)
One of my friends posted this.
And one of her friends said "Very good wife material leh.. Ur boyfriend is lucky!"
So according to this guy, a "very good wife material" equates to a girl who:
1) is not a girly girl
2) don't scream and hug friends she bumps into
3) eyes don't light up around Chanel and Hermes
4) not tempted with high teas and desserts
5) hates high heels and owns shoes that are less than $50
6) does not need company to go to the toilet
7) freaks out when an acquaintance acts like they are BFFs
8) is a guy trapped in a woman's body
And according to another guy, he likes to have a wife who will cook and clean for him.
Serious ah? Go www.mailorderbride.com lor.
I am not saying I am a "good wife material" but get this right, WE ARE NOT GOODS. It is not like when you go to a showroom, choose, test drive and go "wah good horse power, buay jiak you (not high consumption on petrol), color sibuey chio (very pretty), eh rims zen a bit jin swee liao (modify for nicer rims)! Price so cheap some more, Ok la buy!"
We all know that a lot of Singaporean men like to say Singaporean women are very materialistic lah, need to have 5Cs then will marry...no money no honey lah. I don't know which planet are these men from...but it's not just Singapore, it is all around the world! (Just like insensitive men who treat women like "objects" are all around the world.)
And don't fucking kid me. Let's put those so called good points to make a good wife on a girl who looks like Mr Bean + Ru Hua + Liang Po Po, would you even give her a second look? Would you even consider her for a wife?
Point is if you truly love someone, it wouldn't matter if she is a girly girl who screams like chicken in public when she bumps into friends, eyes light up like Christmas around Chanel, Hermes and even Porsche, loves high tea, desserts, breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper, loves high heels and owns many pairs of Christian Louboutins, needs the whole village to watch her pee, act like BFF to even the garbage truck men, or even a woman trapped in a man's body.
If you truly love her, you would love her everything-you-used-to-hate-about-girls, forget about every single rule you used to believe in when deciding to marry a girl, you would actually ask yourself are you "good husband material" for her?
And when you do, you are then marriage ready. Or should I say marriage "material" as you put it?
No comments:
Post a Comment